Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Lability

One of the features of adolescence, I guess, is the up-and-down nature of life. And nothing is more unfortunate at those down moments than to have a cell-phone with texting capabilities. Yesterday SG sent me a pair of text messages about how depressed she was about her birthday (said depression vanished when a friend gave her two bags of candy as a present). Now, first of all, the kid should not be sending me messages while she's in class. Second of all...by the time I read the message her life may have improved drastically, but I'm left behind fretting about her state of mind. I have tried, a couple of times, to tell her "no text messages from school unless you're on a break or at lunch" but it doesn't stick. And for good or ill, my point of view and anxiety level are affected by these little toss-off messages.

I also think, increasingly, that one of the things you learn, growin up, is that there are days when you just feel crappy, and you have to deal regardless. I cannot swoop in to math class and kiss it and make it better (hell, I can't even do that for myself!). But when I say something like this, I feel like such a hard-hearted creep. I suppose I should be happy the child is talking to me (and I am), but still.

13 Comments:

Blogger C. F. Blog said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:34 PM  
Blogger C. F. Blog said...

I'm almost 36 and I still have to call my mom when I feel bad.

And it's not like she would kiss it and make it better anyways.

My Mom always says that we revert back to ten years olds no matter what age we really are when we get around her.

12:35 PM  
Blogger Madeleine Robins said...

Your mom sounds like a wise woman.

It's not that I object to hearing from the child when she's feeling blue--but these flying text messages from the ladies' room are tough--I can't call her back and find out what the trouble is, and by the time I get to talk with her, she's already on to the next thing. I, somewhat calcified and slower than she is, tend to get left in the dust. So maybe it's my problem and not hers.

6:20 PM  
Blogger Janni said...

I remember the first time I was able to say, "Oh, hey, I feel awful, but I've felt this way before and I know it will pass and I'll feel better."

And then I stepped back and thought, wow, how cool is it that I can finally say that?

7:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How cool and wonderful that your 15-year-old reaches out to you like that. Both of your kids are outstanding, but it's quite heartwarming to know that adolescents can be close to and want to voluntarily communicate with Mom -- especially during the normal rounds of the day.

Sometimes you just need to reach out to someone and say, "I feel crappy." Worry aside, nice to hear she selected you.

e of the stools

7:43 PM  
Blogger Madeleine Robins said...

elaine, is that you?

8:55 PM  
Blogger Madeleine Robins said...

Occasionally the kid will shake her head with amusement and note that she has a better relationship with us than any of her friends do with their parents. "How do you feel about that?" I ask. She shrugs. "Weird. Okay. Most of my friends think you're pretty cool. S'okay, I guess."

Sounds about right. I mean, if she wants to rebel, I don't want to be too cool.

9:51 PM  
Blogger C. F. Blog said...

Yeh, be glad she comes to you when she is experiencing different emotions. It’s a sign of good health.

By the way, Sarah Tolerance is one of my favorite super heroine’s. I tell anyone I can, who likes to read to get the books.

7:49 AM  
Blogger Madeleine Robins said...

By the way, Sarah Tolerance is one of my favorite super heroine’s. I tell anyone I can, who likes to read to get the books.

Oh, excellent! Of course, you now have me imagining Miss Tolerance in Spandex. And a cape--capes are excellent for defensive action when fencing.

8:25 AM  
Blogger C. F. Blog said...

I always thought her breeches being rather on the tight side, so the super hero thing would not be too far off. Plus when she fences, how can you not see her in any different light. She's the defender of Flint Street. :)

9:22 AM  
Anonymous Caryn said...

My 16 year old last night tried to guilt trip me into staying up late to chat with her...again. So I gathered my courage (already lying in bed) and said, "I'd like it if you closed the bedroom door with you on the other side of it." And she went. Whew! She may be able to cope with little sleep (she can't, but she thinks she can) but I can't, not on a frequent basis.

Maybe she just needs to vent and then feels better for it? My daughter does that: vents about how horrible some friends are and then next thing I know they are back friends again. I have given up keeping track.

9:53 AM  
Blogger Madeleine Robins said...

Even with the nine-year-old things move fast. I pick her up from school and learn that she and Current Best Friend have had a huge fight: things will never be the same, she has been decieved about the friend's nature all along, and besides, everyone is picking on her and being cruel. Next day I pick her up and she and CBF have their heads together, giggling and nattering, while I'm still stuck in the "crimes against the empire" paradigm.

I swore at an idiot driver yesterday (I swore a lot--we had afterschool things stacked up like planes over SFO: giving a ride home to a schoolmate of YG's, two orthodontist appointments, SG's voice lesson, all between two and 4:30) and when things had calmed down I apologized for my language to the girls. "Oh, well, I'm going to Hell," I said cheerily.

"No, you're not! You're an excellent mother!" Sarcasm Girl said firmly.

This led to an interesting discussion of whether it would be a good thing to go to Heaven with the nice people, or hangout in Hell, where the conversation (and the coffee) are likely to be more interesting. I think we scandalized YG, who is still at the more literal stage, and wanted to know what they were to do with my body after my demise.

10:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heeheehee....per your comment at 8:55 (before the rest of this fine conversation), yup, it's me. Been a regular lurker for a while, but LJ only lets me post as Anonymous until I succumb to its pull.

11:42 AM  

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